Little Umbrella

bundle of contradictions

So hey!  I am still alive.  Still in Costa Rica, too, although that will change on Sunday at about 2:45 pm.  Gulp.  I'm currently making the most of my last few days in the country by lying around, reading YA books from the school collection (read all the adult ones already), and generally being a transition-anxiety-ridden lump.  It's fun!  It's curiously similar to the way I felt right before coming here.  To be honest I am quite depressed about leaving and not at all sure it's the right thing to do, but I feel like at least at the moment, neither English teaching or tourism jobs are the thing for me and that it's time to have a job I enjoy again.

So how do I plan on spending my first few months in the states?  Why, waiting tables in Nowhere, Missouri, of course!  What could be more enjoyable?

I'm also spending a lot of time these days looking at postings for library assistant jobs, all of which seem to be in Nowhere, Iowa or something of the sort.  I actually went to the trouble of drafting a cover letter for a miraculously well-paid youth services assistant opening at a library in Ithaca, New York, which is actually supposed to be a cool town, being a college town and all, only to look at the county webpage and see that only residents within a 6 county radius are eligible to apply.  Well.  Fine, then.

There's also my upcoming vacation to Guatemala and Oaxaca to think about, but that really just adds to my worries as a result of not having planned anything.  I have a very complicated relationship with planning.  I honestly believe it's best not to plan much and stay flexible in traveling, and every time I plan something in my own life I start getting stressed about being Tied Down.  Nonetheless, I always get very nervous when I don't know what's coming next.  I am hoping someday to find a balance between being impulsive (HEY WHY DON'T I MOVE TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY?  HEY WHY DON'T I QUIT MY JOB?) and being totally uncomfortable with uncertainty.

So um, this is kind of negative because I am in kind of a mood right now, so here are some things I'm looking forward to:

getting my fingernails painted tomorrow to match my beautiful toes
seeing my Guatemalan friends
delicious Mexican food
my high school friend's wedding on August 9
getting my computer fixed (although it's been behaving surprisingly well, for it, the last few days)
seeing Bob Dylan (from row 8!!!) with C, September 24 (not sure about that date)
seeing other friends and family
reintroducing myself to clothing I haven't seen in 7 months (will be 8)

Ok, every time I try to post this my computer decides it doesn’t have a wireless card so better just do this as long as it’s working.

surprise surprise, my boss is insane

We had a a group of 12 high school students and 2 chaperones staying at the hotel, but they are gone now.  Thank God.  They were annoying and brought out the craziness of my boss and his family.  They went ziplining yesterday, and my friend who works as a van driver's assistant for the ziplining company called ahead to tell me she couldn't come with the driver because the van only seats 14 people plus the driver, who spoke no English, so could I please explain to the customers that they needed to sign a waiver?  I said no problem, and didn't think to say anything to my boss.  The van gets there and my boss throws a fit because they're all CROWDED!  There's no GUIDE!  The driver doesn't speak ENGLISH!  BAD SERVICE!  First he bitched out the driver, then he called the company and made the owner come over.  She promised to give all of our COMPLETELY HAPPY, NON-COMPLAINING customers free shirts.  I don't think any of them ever realized there was a problem.  WTF?

The kids amused themselves by swarming all over reception, using our phone to call home every five minutes, going against the orders of their main chaperone (but not the other one) by buying beer and getting quite trashed, standing near me and nonchalantly complaining, "Aw man, I'm losing my guitar calluses!", asking for medical care for the world's smallest mosquito bite (actually that was the annoying 26 year old chaperone), and so forth.  I should be more tolerant because as much as I have tried to repress the memory I was in high school a mere 6 years ago, but Christ. 

Also apparently they asked to use our washer and dryer, telling the owner's daughter it was "just a little bit" and then washed two big loads with the help of the owner's son.  "How much should I charge them?  $50?" The daughter asked me, as her father wasn't there. 

FIFTY DOLLARS?  For two loads of laundry?

"Oh my god, NO."

"Ok.  Thirty?"

Sadly I don't know how to say ARE YOU SHITTING ME? in Spanish and was reduced to "Habla en SERIO? 5 dólares, máximo"  but then her dad decided to pick up his cell phone, and told her $15. Still a total ripoff, but again I didn't hear them complain. 

Yeah anyway, this is pointless.  Basically this place is a nuthouse but at the moment I am mercifully alone aside from my boss's sister who is off somewhere cleaning.  The end.

percolating

Hey, apparently  I have a blog.  There is nothing new around here -- hot mornings, pouring rain and thunderstorms all afternoon and night.  I am still working in an entirely toxic work environment, but my last day is three weeks from now.  I'm leaving Costa Rica very soon, actually, on July 6.  I don't know quite how to feel about that.  People ask why I'm leaving and I never know quite how to articulate it.  Basically it boils down to I don't want to teach English and I don't want to work in tourism.

Still trying to decide exactly what my next steps are going to be, stateside.  I'm leaning strongly towards spending a few months at my parents' house, waitressing and maybe working doing bilingual phone reservations at a hotel, to build my savings up a little.  I'm fairly sure about this step, except I have a sneaking suspicion it makes me a big loser who will have moved back home not once but twice after graduating from college.  Aren't I too old for that?  Am I just doing it for the Tivo and comfortable couch and endless supply of reading material?

After that, I'd been thinking of moving somewhere -- Chicago is currently a forerunner -- and maybe getting a mindless office job to, again, save some money.  However, I'm afraid that might kill my soul, so I'm thinking of Americorps.  Valuable experience, looks good if I ever get around to putting something in Alumni Notes, educational award at the end (although I don't know that $4725 is going to make much of a dent in my debt... stupid private education). 

Then I was thinking of library school for 2010.  I need to email my sister's ex-boyfriend's sister, who is a children's librarian, which is what I want to be, and see what she says.  On the one hand it sounds like a great job for me; on the other hand it sounds like a job that would dictate where you could live.  Stupid government cutting jobs.  I know that the MInneapolis Public Library system, for one, is in fairly dire financial straits.  And yay, more student debt! 

So at least I do have ideas about what to do with myself.  I should probably just take things one step at a time; I feel like the odds are probably against me ending up living in a refrigerator box or living a miserable existence whatever I decide. 

So, I don't know how interesting this was for you, just trying to sort my thoughts out.  Although if you're reading this you're probably my father so you're required to be a little interested.

I like birds.

Here's a selection of some of the birds I saw yesterday (well, not these specific ones.  Birds are hard to photograph so I leave that to the nature photographers.  But here are some friends and relations of the ones I saw).

A bunch of Passerini's tanagers (or possibly Sherrie's tanagers, which look exactly like them except for some tiny spot on the females or something)

Some blue-gray tanagers -- aren't they pretty?

Ok, the toucans are always kind of far away so I'm not sure what kind they are.  So we're just going to say they're chestnut-mandibled toucans because they're photogenic.  Some of the other ones are kind of scary.

Like the fiery-billed aracari.  SCARY.

The less nightmare-inducing great kiskadee.  They're all over the place.

That's a Montezuma oropendula.  They're cool.

aww, parrots.

Lots of hummingbirds.

And a yellow-crowned euphonia.  Not euphonium, as I originally thought.

Pretty average day birdwatching-wise.  Not included: Vultures, robins, and other less exciting-looking birds.

Yesterday a friend of my boss called while my boss was out.  After unsuccessfully trying to get him on his cell phone, the guy called back.  "What's your rate for a couple of hours?" Ew.  You really don't mind telling me you're planning on cheating on your wife?  Charming.

But anyway, I complain too much, which is the reason for the birds.  Birds are awesome.

blah blah

My boss's 18 year old son seems to be under the impression that I run an import export business in my spare time.  "You know Ray Ban sunglasses?" he asks.  "How much do they cost in the US?"  Ummmm.... a lot?  "You don't know?"  Not a clue, sorry.  I help him look them up online .  Answer: too much, especially if you want to ship them to Costa Rica.  The next day, "Hollister shirts?  How much are they in the states?"  My own preferred brand is xhilaration, so again, couldn't tell you.  He gets the Hollister t-shirt he bought here and shows me.  It is a very average looking shirt.  He paid the equivalent of about $38 for it.

$38!!!!!

We spend a lot longer than I would prefer on the Hollister website looking at more reasonably priced shirts, although not so much when you factor in $40 shipping and handling, plus whatever taxes Costa Rica deides to charge.  He wants to get 5 shirts and pay $140 for them.  I think he is absolutely insane.  Also he doesn't have a credit card so it's all academic.  Sorry, I know I already told a good 2/3 of my readership this story, and it's not that interesting, but I can't get over the $38 t shirt.

In point of fact I'm not really supposed to be using the internet at all right now.  A guy walked out on his bill the other day on my watch, and my boss has decided this is somehow connected to the amount of time I spend online.  He says from now on I should check the hotel email when I get here in the morning, turn off the computer, and then check every two hours, at which time I am also permitted to check my own personal email.
a.  He seems to feel this will save energy, which cannot be true and it's bad for the computer anyway.
b. What was I supposed to do, chase the guy down?  He had a car.
c.  There is not that much work for me to do here.  It's the off season.  When there is work I do it.  The rest of the time I have to occupy myself somehow, so does it really matter if I'm online, reading a book, watching TV, or staring vacantly into space?
d.  He's never here anyway so I am just going to do whatever the hell I want.  What's he going to do, fire me?

Anyway.

I have read some truly awful books lately.  I have read all the ones worth reading that are hanging around the school and now must resort to the other ones.  Recently I read The Wizard of London, by Mercedes Lackey, a fantasy in which all the characters are either nauseatingly Good or EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.  Gag me.  Then I read a John Grisham book called Playing For Pizza, which is about a third string NFL player who ends up playing pro football in Italy.  It was probably the least thought-provoking book I have ever read.  Now I am reading a book called Sundays at Tiffany's, by the author of Kiss the Girls.  It's about a woman who meets her childhood imaginary friend as an adult and falls in love with him.  In addition to being totally stupid, it sort of has some pedophile undertones in my mind.   This one was given to me by a guest at the hotel, who said "I got this when we were stuck in the airport in LA.  It was entertaining.  But you're not going to be like whoaaaaaa what a great book!"  No.  I'm not.  And yet I read it. (Edited to quote this line I just read: "The kiss was wet from the rain, but warm from my feelings."  My god, do you HAVE an editor??)

The resident English teacher also lent me a book called  Three Cups of Tea, which was actually good, if a little more inspirational than I generally go for.  It's a (ghost-written) memoir of an American guy named Greg Mortenson who has set up like 50 elementary schools in rural Pakistan and Afghanistan.  It was interesting.  He doesn't try to convert them, doesn't indoctrinate them, just tries to set up schools along the same lines as good government Pakistani schools so children will have an education.   So that one was  pretty cool.

Anyway.  What have you been up to?

picture post, sort of

A couple of days ago I took the afternoon off of work and finally got around to visiting the famous La Fortuna Waterfall, which is located a mere 3 km away from our hotel.  I've been lying for months when guests ask me what it's like.  Well, maybe not lying so much as relying on hearsay.  Awe-inspiring!  I tell them.  Well worth the walk and the seven dollars!  You'll love it! 

I hope nobody has had a heart attack or anything because I told them the walk there was "uphill, but not too bad."  I am but a young pup (albeit an out of shape one) and I almost died.  I'm also going to start asking if they have knee problems before they go.  3 kilometers is a little more than a mile and a half, but damn is that hill steep.  Then once you get there you go down about 450 steps which you naturally have to walk back up later.  That was two days ago and I'm still sore.

Nonetheless, awe-inspiring.  It's 230 feet tall!   

No, I didn't take the picture.  I forgot my camera like a big goof.   Too bad because there were some great views of the volcano on the way there, with no clouds  in the way.  Ah well.

Yesterday this English guy staying at the hotel asked how long I'd been in Costa Rica, and when I said 5 months, he said, "But... you're quite pale. ...If you don't mind my saying so!"

Hey.  It just so happens I have an awesome tan right now.  Check out my  sweet watch tan line.  Can't you see it?  No? It's better in person.

weird guys, my brain, and music

I went back to work today.  My boss is still pretty crazy, and was telling me his plans to put in tons more rooms (currently the place is very pretty and just has 6 cabins), a restaurant, a swimming pool, an internet cafe... all right then.  Have fun with that!

On the way to the bus stop a guy exposed himself to me.  Somehow I have gone 24 years without this happening before.  "Quieres?" he said, and I looked over and he had his dick out and was fondling himself.  It was pretty gross.  What does the guy expect a woman to say in this situation?  Why yes, I DO want that, I've had a hankering all day for some stranger's cock!  I managed a mangled "go to hell" in Spanish before moving on to swearing in my native tongue, at which I am quite adept.  I also flipped him off in case my point wasn't coming across.  He rode off on his bicycle. 

My brain has been sort of irritating me lately.  Half of me always says, hey, relax, life's a journey, nobody else has everything figured out either, make a few mistakes, it's part of the fun, it'll all work out all right in the end.  The other side, which has been annoyingly vocal recently, runs around screaming WHO AM I WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE WORKING SOME DEAD END JOB AIEEEEE MUST FIND MY SPECIAL PURPOSE RIGHT THIS INSTANT.  That's normal, right?

The Neko Case concert I've been planning my return stateside around turns out to be still on the website from last year.  I've been planning my return around a concert on August 14, 2007.  Damn.  She'll tour again, though. 

If you've never paid attention to the bassline in "With a Little Help From My Friends," you're missing out.  Great harmonies too.  yes, surprise surprise, I like a Beatles song.

Also worth checking out is Martina Topley-Bird.  I've been listening to that song Valentine quite a lot the last few days.

Also, Thao.  You should really listen to Bag of Hammers.  It's so addictive.

quarter life crisis! yay.

My return stateside is tentatively planned for early August, after a few weeks of visiting friends in Guatemala and traveling a little in Guatemala and southern Mexico.  (Again, sorry, parental units.  I won't travel at night.)  Sometimes it seems way too soon, and I sit and listen to the rainforest and wonder why I would ever go back.  Sometimes, when my computer has developed an Intermittent Defect and I don't want to leave it with the incompetent Costa Rican Apple store, and the rainy season is looming on the horizon and I'm tired of doing nothing but not looking forward to going back to my hotel job -- sometimes it seems like a very long time.

(Oh.  Aside.  I just remembered part of my dream last night was that I had a formal dress that was also a big padded hot dog costume.  But with a long pretty skirt.  Somehow whatever event I was going to that night was one in which that ensemble was totally appropriate.  "I mean, how many chances am I going to get to wear this?  Not very many," I reasonably told my companion when she pointed out that the event was actually SEMI formal.)

I have some plans for early August -- high school friend's wedding on August 9 (Missouri), Neko Case concert on August 14 (Nashville).   After that?  Hmm.  Well, I suppose I'll need a job.  And a home.  I have been operating under the assumption I'll go to Nashville and live with a lovely former roommate there.   I've been checking craigslist and the Center for Non-profit Management job postings there.  Daycare worker, bilingual office assistant in a non-profit clinic, receptionist, receptionist, receptionist.  I worry about needing a car.  I don't want a car, but I'm unsure about the viability of commuting in the Nashville bus system.  Then again I've never tried it, suppose I can't knock it.

Occasionally the Twin Cities start to sound very nice to me.  I know so many people there, public transportation is certainly not the best it could be but it always got the job done.  It's just so comfortable, so familiar.  But I remember March and April in Minnesota and I don't really want to go through them again. 

My father is kindly brainstorming more places for me to live.  He suggests New Orleans, where my aunt and uncle live and there is an employee shortage.   They're about the only people I know there, though.

Chicago also crosses my mind sometimes, but it's still a bit cold, and I don't have any good friends there.

Sometimes I think I should bookend my trip by spending another couple months at my parents' house to get back on my feet and decide what I want to do, waiting tables to support myself (ideally at a much nicer place than last time).  Of course, they I have not actually offered.

The problem is I am the only one who can make this decision, and I am really lousy at making decisions.

pictures!

Ok, so my camera is not very good, and I don't take many pictures for this reason.  But here are some highlights from the trip (click for big images):

Sunset in Montezuma, as seen from the porch of our budget hotel.  Ahhh.

Monteverde, which means "Green Mountain." I'm not sure where they got the name.

Unfortunately this is the best one I got of the baby monkey sneaking a look at me... he was really close.

More of Curu, the wildlife refuge with the baby monkey and his family.

On Lake Arenal, going back to Fortuna from Monteverde.

Not the greatest pictorial record of a trip -- for one thing it makes my vacation seem much more antisocial than it actually was.  But there you are.

"home" again

I am back in El INVU.  The rainy season is beginning.

I am going back to my old job at the hotel.  I am very fickle.  I decided a) I hate job-hunting, b) the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, and this devil gives me good meals a day, c) I am going to leave Costa Rica at the beginning of July and I can do anything for 2 months.

I want to spend some time traveling in Guatemala and Mexico before I get back to the states.  I hope I can get reasonable plane tickets.  At least I have an economic stimulus rebate coming to me.

I am now a firm advocate of backpacking alone.  Sorry, Mom.  It's more fun.

I'm feeling a little lost again (still) about what the hell to do with my life.  When I get back to the states, I want a) insurance and b) enough money to make payments on my student loans and to go to another country again.  There is always the Peace Corps, but I'm just not sure about the whole 28 months thing.

I want to go to:
Eastern Europe (I met an Austrian woman when I was traveling who highly recommended Poland and Romania)
India
Argentina
Ecuador
a lot of places.

I am considering possibly pursuing Montessori teacher training when I get back, as you can do that anywhere in the world.  I'm just not really sure about anything.  That's basically my life motto.

Anyway, I had a great time on my vacation and now there's a lot on my mind.  How have you been?